Do you sometimes experience negative thoughts such as “I’m no good”, “No one likes me”, “Things will never get better” or “I can’t do this” Do you want to learn how to stop these negative thoughts from triggering your anxiety?
Negative thoughts often show up in our minds without an invitation. We all experience them, and they aren’t necessarily a big issue by themselves. The trouble starts when we start believing them and giving them power. At that point, they can feed and grow feelings of anxiety.
But it’s not all doom and gloom. Here’s some good news, you can learn how to stop these negative thoughts and replace them with more helpful and positive ones.
Why do I have negative thoughts?
Every day, we have tens of thousands of thoughts, and this recent study shows us the average person has up to 11 negative thoughts a day. So, if you’re having negative thoughts, you’re completely normal! We all have them. Everyone deals with negative thoughts about themselves, others, the future, and the world we live in. These thoughts often happen automatically and become a habit, and we might not even notice them happening.
Our feelings also play a part in how we think. When we’re feeling low, we tend to think more negatively. Similarly, when we’re anxious, we tend to worry about the worst possible outcomes.
Spiralling into negative thoughts can happen when we overthink. This often occurs when we don’t have many distractions, which is why many of us experience overthinking when we are lying in bed at night.
At the time, these negative thoughts can seem very reasonable and logical. So, we end up believing them to be true. However, just because we think something doesn’t mean it’s true. This is why it’s crucial to question these negative thoughts and to figure out if they’re based on facts and reality.
Negative thoughts can quickly get worse. What starts as a single negative thought can snowball into even more negativity. Negative thoughts make us feel bad, which reinforces our belief that these thoughts are true. This leads to even more negative thinking. This cycle of thinking and feeling can result in anxiety and even panic attacks.
How to stop negative thoughts?
To stop negative thinking, the first step is to recognise these thoughts for what they truly are. This can be difficult since they usually happen automatically. Keep an eye out for these types of unhelpful thinking patterns. You may be able to relate to some of these.
- Magnification or minimisation – Focusing on the negative and ignoring the positives, for example, delivering a fantastic presentation at work, but dwelling on a tiny mistake that nobody else noticed.
- Catastrophising – Assuming the worst will happen, for example, thinking “If I fail this test, I will never do well in school, and I will be a complete failure in life
- Shoulds and Musts – Setting unrealistic expectations on yourself and others, for example, thinking “I should be perfect” or “I must be liked by everyone.”
- Emotional Reasoning – Believing something is true because of how you feel, for example, thinking “I feel anxious, so I must be in danger”.
- Black-and-white thinking – Seeing things in extremes, for example, thinking “I’m a complete failure” while considering someone else as perfect.
To help identify these negative thoughts and patterns in your thinking, try keeping a “thought record.” It helps to write down your negative thoughts throughout the day, you could use a notebook or even your phone. Note the type of negative thought, what triggered it, your emotions at the time, and the feelings it caused. This will help you to see your thoughts more clearly.
Once you spot negative thoughts, you can manage them better, challenge them and replace them with more positive ones.
How to challenge negative thinking – examples
To turn your negative thoughts into positive ones, you need to challenge them. Remember that these are thoughts, not facts. It’s natural to have negative thoughts, but you can observe them without fully believing them. Imagine your thoughts passing by like clouds in the sky. This simple act of observation can change your relationship with your thoughts and how you feel about them.
A more organised way to deal with negative thoughts is to examine the evidence for and against them. For example, if you think I’m rubbish at my job, look for evidence. Maybe you made a couple of mistakes, but there are likely many instances where you did a great job and even received positive feedback.
Ask yourself questions such as “Is there another explanation?” or “What would others say?” Another approach is to pretend you’re evaluating a friend’s thoughts, not your own. Does it still seem reasonable?
Some examples:
- Change from magnification or minimisation – “I’m nervous about speaking, they’re probably remembering how bad I was last time” to “I’m likely better at speaking than I realise. I got good feedback before”.
- Change from catastrophising – “They are late from work, what if he’s had a serious car accident?” to “He’s probably stuck in traffic”.
- Change from shoulds and musts – “I should be perfect” to “I’d prefer to be perfect”.
- Change from emotional reasoning – “I feel guilty, so I must be a terrible person” to “Mistakes happen, and I’m not bad because of them”.
- Change from black-and-white thinking – “I’m a complete failure” to “I have strengths and weaknesses, like anyone else”.
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